Ignore Your Therapist, Running Away to Europe Can Solve All Your Problems

I’ve spent most of my life worrying about what could go wrong , but when I landed in Europe, I realized the only thing I was missing was the courage to truly live in the moment.

I have struggled with anxiety my whole life; Attending an esteemed 4-year university away from friends and family most certainly did not help. Nothing will ever be as hard as saying goodbye to your childhood bedroom and the city where you lived every experience. 

Moving away to college forces young adults to create their own schedules, navigate new cities, and build all-new connections. It felt like the hardest thing in the world, and yet I not only survived, but I thrived from that experience. At age 18, I managed to move away from my mother’s all-seeing eyes and straight into an unsupervised dorm room, and I’m not alone in this experience; you reading this might even relate. So what’s the harm in doing it all over again two years later, but this time, in a foreign country?

As a kid, I had always dreamed of going to Paris—yes, I was one of those girls with a Paris-themed bedroom—and as previously mentioned, I am very driven. I knew I would do anything in my power to get there, and the perfect opportunity for me was to study abroad. I found an amazing program that aligned with my major requirements and would allow me to study in both London and Paris for the Spring Quarter of 2023. Perfect, sign me up, I was in. But about a month before my departure, that anxiety showed up: “What if no one likes me? “What if I wanna go home while 6 thousand miles away?” “What if… what if… what if.” What comforted me most was realizing that everyone abroad is experiencing the same thing, and that's what brought us together. All of us had the same idea and the same shared interest in this specific program. I ended up connecting with new people I would have never met if I hadn’t taken this leap. It might seem obvious, but I quickly learned that the people you meet through your passions often share the same passion.

 My biggest struggle in school has always been mental health. Even while studying engaging topics that pique my interest, I would be overwhelmed by deadlines. I have always been what my family deemed ambitious, but what my therapist diagnosed as anxious. Although a constant fear of the future helped motivate me, appreciating the present is a recurring struggle in my life. Living in the moment is so much easier said than done, even while living your dream. I’m not going to tell you that living 3 months in Europe cured me of my anxiety, but placing myself in a different cultural mindset allowed me to breathe, and realize which details are worth worrying about, and when it is okay to take a load off and sip an Aperol Spritz on a balcony. Let me share with you not only my best memories but also the life-altering takeaways from this journey.

Seconds after touching down in London, my worries were set to ease; people did like me! I made some of the best friends I’ve ever met. We discussed shared love of European cities, languages, and cultures, and our differences only brought us closer. I learned how to make friends fast. It’s funny to think that the most cliche advice is what created these friendships: be yourself. 

Growing up with anxiety filled my mind with insecurity. Before adulthood, I often projected the version of me I thought others would relate to, which only led to shallow connections and fake friends. Being in a new place allowed me to reinvent myself as my true self. My anxiety was at ease knowing I had found my people, and all it took was one 8-hour flight.

My friends and I did everything together, which is crazy given I didn’t know them until landing in a foreign country. We went to class, studied, traveled, and explored the cities together as if we had known each other our whole lives. The best part of studying abroad, in my experience, is the people you meet. Although I walked through historical sights, beautiful landscapes, and new diverse living cultures, still to this day, when I look back at photos, I look at the smiling faces of people I miss, not the famous artwork in the background. 

One of the weekend getaways we had was to Edinburgh, Scotland. Pictured is us, on top of Arthur’s seat, a popular destination via a hike. We had done little to no research before arriving in Scotland, so I took this hike in Doc Martens and jeans. I learned that moments are never worth an excuse. We debated back and forth before taking the hike, and I can’t imagine my life without this moment.

I felt like I was on top of the world. One of the happiest moments of my life. This one short hike was the first step in changing my mindset. Teenage me wouldn’t be able to believe that the same girl who plans her academic schedule two semesters in advance could fly to Scotland on a week's notice with zero itinerary. I take this energy with me everywhere now. Who cares if it wasn’t anticipated or planned? What if you are missing out on the best experience of your life?

I think the main reason for this shift was the feeling of non-reality that Europe created for me. My life didn’t feel like my own because, in a way, it wasn’t. I was no longer a full-time student in America, with a reliable calendar and consistent study schedule. I had the opportunity to jet off to new countries on weekends and drink wine in the park. It was almost like I was playing a video game; my actions felt without consequences because my real life in California would remain untouched, or so I thought. 

The hardest part of being away, for sure, was celebrating my birthday. I had never had a birthday without my childhood friends or my parents. But I had to stand back and look at the bigger picture. By this point, I was in Paris; I had been dreaming of this since I was seven. There would be so many more birthdays with my friends back home, who else can say that they blew out candles under the Eiffel Tower?

Pushing myself out of my comfort zone allowed for this realization. I typically worry about every possible problem when doing something new. Without the option of following tradition, I was forced to let go and see what happened; it turned out to be my best birthday yet. 

I learned so much while being in Paris. The culture was so different. Even our teachers told us the importance of a smoke or coffee break. Capitalist America instills a mindset in us at a young age: Work Hard, Play Hard. But in France, people were much happier starting their days slow, taking breaks, and lingering at cafes for hours on end.

When my mom came to visit me, I noticed her anxiously tapping her foot, waiting for the check:

“Are you in a hurry?” I asked her while sipping a cappuccino at 4 pm. 

“No, why?” she responded, a little hasty.

“Why are you rushing to get the check? We can just sit here.” 

That’s when it hit me. I was conditioned to the “American” hustle-and-bustle attitude, gotta get in and get out, that I never enjoyed the now. This ideology, coupled with my chronic anxiety, caused a never-ending rain cloud in my brain. Worrying constantly about doing the right thing. It took flying across the world to realize that there is no right way to live. None of us knows what we’re doing. 

Here’s what I mean by Europe curing me: I still have anxiety, but I grew to question why I am ignoring my beautiful life to get to a future I know nothing about. The entirety of my European excursion, I was savoring the seconds because I was given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I didn’t want to blink in fear of missing out on an experience I would never get back.

Eventually, though, I was hit with homesickness. We had been so go-go-go; weekend trips to Scotland and Spain, then relocating to France, we never took a breath. So once I did, it hit. It hit hard. At this moment, I became extremely grateful for modern-day technology. It’s so easy to go off the grid and dive into the Mediterranean Sea while forgetting about your life at home, but your life hasn’t forgotten you. It may seem silly, but calling my family and listening to what is going on back home reminded me of how blessed I truly was. Not only was I experiencing a whole new world, but I had an amazing one waiting for me. I thought keeping tabs on my friends would make me miss them too much, but it helped with staying in the moment: How was I having FOMO for frat parties while in this water?

My last piece to convince you to run away to your dream destination is the knowledge I gained. I had to study, I had to take tests, I had to turn in assignments anyway: Why not do them in Europe? As an International Studies major, I learned more about the world from these 12 weeks than anything I have studied in classes. I had never seen any parts of the world besides California, I didn't even have a passport until I planned this trip. I learned so much about different cultures through my classes, but nothing compares to the real experiences of the people I met. They taught me about not only cultural differences but also myself, without even trying. If this story inspires you in any way, and you choose to take a leap of faith, sit down and reflect on your experiences. So much more comes out of them than just good times and good pictures.